


won't you liberate me now

by Ravens_World



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, post 1X12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-25 15:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: "Don't make me do this, Michael."Post 1x12 Speculation, wherein Malex get together, Max and Michael are BFFs again and everyone (eventually) get their happy endings.





	1. What is Lost

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for RNM!! I'm really excited, but I'm also really nervous, so your opinions are welcome.. Just be gentle??
> 
> I really wanted to get this out before the episode airs, because I just know I will be so wrong in my spec, lol.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.. Kudos and comments are much appreciated!!

"Don't make me do this, Michael."

The gun in Max's hands was shaking almost as badly as his voice, and he allowed himself to close his eyes for just one second. Something happened to Michael, he was sure of it, because he had a frantic air about him, and Michael would never do something that would put countless lives at risk for a selfish reason. Max wanted so badly to help him, but instead, he was pointing a gun at him. For a second, his resolve wavered, and he almost lowered the gun, but then he remembered what was at stake. If he let Michael give Noah the antidote, it would definitely cost a lot people their lives, and Max was so tired of having innocent people's blood on his hands.

"You gonna shoot me, Max?" Michael was taunting him, Max knew, to get a rise out of him, to get him to slip up. An ugly part of him thought that Michael _wanted_ Max to shoot him, and that made him feel sick.

"If I have to," he told him, and his voice shook. "Don't make me, Michael, _please_. Let's just talk about this."

Michael shook his head. "We don't have enough time. He'll die."

"He killed 14 people that we know of, Michael. If we let him go, he might kill more."

"I don't care about them," Michael spat, "they sure as hell don't care about us, do they?"

Max was confused, and more than a little scared, because that wasn't Michael talking. "Who's them, Michael? _People_? Innocents? What the hell happened to you?!" 

"You don't understand," Michael said softly, his shoulders slumping.

"I don't know what happened today, Michael," Max said, lowering the gun and stepping closer to his brother. He noticed the tears in his eyes, and it hurt, seeing Michael like this, and being so in the dark that he couldn't help him. "But Noah is not the answer you're looking for."

"No, he's not. But he has the answers I need."

"Knowing where we're from, who our family is," Michael flinched at this, "I- I know it's something you've always wanted, I get it. I want it, too. God knows we've tried to get it out of him. But, me and Iz? We're your family, Michael. Please, let that be enough for you."

"I need to know who I am, Max," Michael whispered, his eyes shut tightly.

"You don't need the past, you don't need the pain, to remind you of who you are. Michael, please listen to me."

Michael shook his head. "I'm sorry, Max."

That was the last thing he heard before Michael pushed him into the wall, his head hitting it with such force, he was out before he hit the ground.

* * *

"Max? Hey, Max, you alright?" Alex winced as he went down on a knee beside Max's head. He slapped him again, this time harder, and he was rewarded with a groan.

Max squinted up at him. "What happened? Alex? Why are you here?"

He helped the other man sit up, leaning him against the wall. "I was looking for Michael, I couldn't find him at the-"

"Michael," Max said, looking so afraid Alex almost reeled back. "Oh God, Michael." He scramble to get up, his movements unsteady. Alex followed, feeling dread settle in the pit of his stomach. Max's horrified " _no_ " stopped him in his tracks.

Alex was there in time to catch him before he fell on his ass, and he winced when pain shot up through his thigh. He was in for it tonight, that was a given, after the hell they've been through today.

"Oh, God. Oh, God, Michael, what did you do?" Mas whispered fearfully.

"Max, what's going on?" Alex asked desperately, his worry for Michael increasing with each minute Max kept silent.

Max scrubbed a hand down his face. "I need to call Isobel and Liz." Max was talking to himself now, which wasn't all that reassuring, and he was ignoring Alex, which was more than a little annoying.

After he did call Isobel and Liz, neither picking up, Max turned to him, his eyes filled with more fear than he's ever seen Max show, in what little time he's known him. "What do you know, Alex? What happened today?"

Alex wanted nothing more than to deny him, to tell him that it was Michael's story to tell, but the way Max was looking at him, like his whole world was falling apart, made Alex reconsider. Noticing his hesitation, Max stepped closer to him." Alex, please. People could get hurt, _Michael_ could get hurt. Tell me."

Alex took a deep breath, and braced himself to recount the hell Michael, and to a lesser extent Alex, went through. He ruthlessly pushed the guilt down; If it meant saving people, saving Michael, he could suck it up.

* * *

The drive to Michael's bunker, the one place they knew of that he could go to, was silent. Alex didn't know how to break it, and Max seemed to be too lost in his head to even try. He'd known Max cared about Michael, but actually seeing it, seeing Max cry for what Michael had lost today, that was what showed Alex just how deep that love went. What broke his heart was that Michael, he was sure, didn't know how just much he was loved. A sniffle to his left caught his attention, and he turned his head slightly to see Max scrubbing his face harshly.

"You really care about him, huh?" The words were out before he could stop them.

Max laughed. "I love him, man. He's my family." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, though."

"Of course it does, Max."

"No, it doesn't, because I didn't show him. I can say it till I'm blue in the face, but it won't erase everything that happened, everything I did and said, in the past ten years."

Alex said nothing. He wasn't sure what he could say to that. He didn't know much about their relationship, but he did remember how close they were in high school. He wondered what could've possibly changed that.

* * *

When they went into Michael's bunker, it was pitch black. Max turned on the lights, and Alex froze. It was a mess, like a fight had broken out, and at the center of it, was Michael. He was bleeding from a gash on his forehead, and wasn't moving. Alex willed himself to move towards him, but before he could, Max beat him to it.

"Goddammit, Michael," he exclaimed, gently pulling him up against him.

Alex moved then, sitting beside them and helping Max look for any hidden injuries. They found none, thankfully, and set about waking him up. Max shifted Michael over to him, and his head ended up on Alex's shoulder, his back against his side. Alex watched Max pace, then go up the ladder to the top, probably trying to get a signal, and tightened his hold on Michael. He'd wanted to do this, to hold Michael, ever since they left Caulfield, and even though the circumstances left a lot to be desired, it was good to have Michael in his arms again.

Alex had know in his bones that Michael needed him, and he'd been ready to follow Michael to his trailer and stay with him after they got back, but the look Michael had given him, vacant yet so angry and hurt, coupled with a shake of his head and a quiet, "I want to be alone" had stopped him.

Now, sitting on the dirty floor in Michael's ruined bunker, with an unconscious Michael in his arms, Alex wished he'd pushed more. Maybe then none of this would've happened, maybe there wouldn't be a homicial maniac on the loose.

Michael stirred in his arms. Alex turned his attention to him. "Michael? Hey, Michael, are you with me?"

"Alex?" He said with a groan, sitting up and pushing away from Alex, leaving more space than was necessary between them. "What the hell are you doing here?" There was an anger in his words that Alex wasn't used to hearing from him, and it shocked Alex.

"I went to Max, when I couldn't find you-"

"Why were you looking?" The anger was still there, and it seemed to be directed at him, and Alex didn't know how to feel about that.

Alex blinked at him. "Are you kidding me? Maybe because you saw your mom, get blown up a few hours ago?" Alex regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, even more so when he saw Michael flinch.

Michael turned away from him. "By your family," he said, cold and angry. Alex knew, rationally, that Michael was lashing out, and it wasn't like he was wrong; Jesse and Flint, possibly his whole family, had been responsible for what happened today. But what really hurt was that it seemed to him that Michael was acting like Alex was at fault, too. Like he wouldn't give anything just to be able to save Michael's family. It hurt, way more than he was willing to admit.

"I'm sorry, Guerin."

"Sorry won't bring her back, will it, Alex?"

Alex allowed himself ten seconds to feel the pain Michael's words caused, to recognize the softening of Michael's features when he seemed to realised that his words hurt Alex, but then he pulled himself together, hardened his face and moved away from Michael, towards Max, who seemed to be keeping as much distance between him and Michael as possible.

"They're still not answering. God, what if he went to them?" Max was scared out of his mind, Alex could tell. So he did his best to get him back on track. He stood in Max's path, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you know Noah more than I do," Max snorted at that, and yeah, he had every right to, concidering Noah turned out to be a serial killer, "Who's he more likely to go after, Liz or Isobel? You go after one of them, I'll take the other."

Max shook his head. "I don't know where he might go, man, and I don't want to risk you." His eyes settle on Michael, and Alex forced himself not to look back. "He's lost enough."

Alex realised with a jolt, that Max knew, that Michael must have told him about their relationship at some point. "You know."

"It was pretty obvious, man." Makx said with a wry grin. "Look, just stay here, don't let him do anything stupid, okay?"

Alex shook his head. "He doesn't want me here, Max."

"Yeah, he does. He's just too dumb to know that he should say it."

Alex looked to the side, ignoring the hope that blossomed in his chest at Max's words. "No," he told him decisively. "I'll go to Liz and you take Isobel, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he left, ignoring the urge to take one last look at Michael.

* * *

"Michael, I'm going to get Iz, okay? You stay here."

"No." Max rolled his eyes. That seemed to be a popular answer to his suggestions. "This is my mess. I'm gonna clean it up."

"No, man, it's ours. We'll figure it out." Max sighed when Michael only rolled his eyes. "Hey, Alex told me-"

"We are not talking about that, Max. Probably not ever."

"I'm so sorry, Michael."

Michael said nothing, opting to ignore Max.

Max sighed tierdly. "Fine. Where are you going, then?"

"With you, to get Iz."

"Well, I've got a better idea." And he he hoped to God it would work.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking, Michael?! This could've been over by now, we could've-"

"Shut up, Iz," he snapped, hand hitting the steering wheel. It should've hurt, but Michael was pretty much numb to it all. Truth was, he wasn't sure he had been thinking. He'd been angry and in pain, still was, and he didn't think. "I surrounded him with that pollen that made us incapable of using our powers, I even had a modified version of Liz's serum to inject him with after I got my answers. It should've fucking worked."

"The pollen or the serum?" She asked, her voice softening slightly.

"The pollen. I didn't get a chance to use the seum on him."

"Do you have it on you? The serum?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

After a minute of silence, he felt her eyes on him. "What?" He snapped.

"Why were you working on a serum that would take away our powers?" Her tone suggested that she was more curious than angry or hurt, but it still felt like an accusation.

Michael didn't really feel like getting into this now, so he just shrugged, choosing not to answer. Iz, to his surprise, didn't push, even though Michael knew she wanted to.

Truth was, he'd started working on the serum the minute Liz had mentioned it, mostly as a guarantee that if one of them ever became too dangerous to keep their powers, there would be a way to stop them without killing them. Because no matter how they treated each other, no matter how much they butted heads and hurt each other, Michael couldn't imagine a world without Max and Iz in it.

When they went into the Crashdown, they heard Alex and Liz before they saw them. The pair were sitting on the ground, drinking milkshakes and laughing, though Alex was trying in vain to shush Liz. It made Michael see red. How could they be so fucking reckless when there was a fucking serial killing alien roaming the streets? 

"What the hell are you two doing?!"

They startled and turned to face them, and Liz raised her eyebrows. Alex just frowned at him. "Drinking milkshakes," Liz answered nonchalantly.

"You have got to be kidding me. Noah is out there, you might be his target and you're here? With no protection?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Guerin."

He rolled his eyes. "He's an alien, you're not. He could kill you just by touching you. You're no match for him, you wouldn't be able to protect her. Or yourself." Michael knew he was being unfair, knew he should stop, but he couldn't. A part of him didn't want to.

Liz got up, ignored Michael, and addressed Isobel. "Where's Max?"

"I have an idea of where he might be, but I needed to make sure you were safe first."

Liz smiled. "Aww, Isobel, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

Iz rolled her eyes. "It's entirely selfish on my part. I just don't want to go through Max moping again if something happens to you."

"Admit it, you like me!"

Iz just ignored her and headed for the door.

With a last look toward Alex, who was looking down at his hands, Michael followed her out.

* * *

"What was that about?" Asked Liz, locking eyes with Alex. He shrugged, then everted his gaze. "Alex?"

"Shit went down. He's-" He cut himself off, took a deep breath, then got up off the floor, dusting himself off. "We don't have time for this, Liz. Do you have more of that serum you used on Noah the first time?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, keep it on you, okay?"

"I don't have it with me, Alex," Liz said incredulously.

His face fell. "Oh."

"Seriously, why would I have an anti-alien serum on me. In the diner, of all places."

The eye roll she received was one of deep suffering. "I don't know, Liz, I thought for once, one thing could be easy for us."

She chuckled quietly, then shrugged. "It's in a safe place, I can go get it."

"Hell, no, you're not going anywhere."

She glared at him. "I don't answer to you, and I'm not some helpless little girl."

"I never said you were, Liz. But Noah is out there, and he's hurt you before. Me? I don't think he even knows me. So please, just stay here. Okay? We can't lose anyone else."

She accepted that grudgingly. "Okay, fine. I don't like it, but I get it." He let out a relieved sigh, and she hugged him. "Be safe, okay? We can't lose you, either."

* * *

"Are you okay?

Michael wasn't sure what he expected Iz to say, but it sure as hell wasn't that. " I just helped a murderer walk free, and he could kill someone anytime, and that death will be on me, so yeah, Iz, I'm okay."  
He knew he should tone the sarcasm and the anger down, but he couldn't bring himself to put effort into it.

"Why did you?"

"I wasn't thinking," he admitted. "I was so angry and hurt, that I didn't think, didn't even care, about what giving him the antidote would mean for other people, for you, Max, Liz."

"What happened today, Michael?"

"I saw my mom, Iz. And two minutes later, she was dead."

* * *

 

When Max got to the cave, Noah wasn't there. Max was sure he would come here, eventually, and since Iz and Alex had texted him that the girls were both safe, he knew Noah coming here would be sooner rather than later. He got out of the car, and shut the door, he only made it two steps before Noah was in front of him. He put his hand on the holster of the gun. "Noah," he said through gritted teeth.

"Hey, Max. Fancy seeing you here." Max unholstered his gun in a matter of seconds, brought it up, and shot off a bullet. It didn't reach its mark, Noah having deflected it. Noah jerked his hand and Max fell to his knees, gasping as he felt his insides being squeezed. He screamed, when the invisible grip on his chest seemed to tighten even further.

"Goodbye, Max." He took the gun from Max's limp grip, and aimed it at his head.

It all happened so fast after that, too fast for Max to keep up with. The sound of a gunshot echoed in silence of the desert, then he heard a scream, Iz's and then Michael's followed.

* * *

 

When Michael saw Noah standing over Max with a gun pointed at his head, he was overcome with a fear so strong, he almost collapsed.

" **No**!" His hands lifted, instinctively, and Noah was lifted and thrown about fifty meters away from Max, but not before he got a shot off.

"Max," Iz screamed, running towards their brother. Michael scrambled to follow, his heart almost beating out of his chest with the fear of losing Max, because of a mistake he'd made.

When they reached him, Max was on his back, eyes staring at the sky, and for a second there, he looked dead. Michael's heart stopped, then Max blinked and he breathed a sigh of relief. He dropped to his knees beside his brother. "Max. Max, hey, man. You with me?"

"Iz, he's okay," He expected his sister to be beside him, and was surprised when he found her running to where Noah probably was. "Iz, no!" He screamed after her.

Michael felt a weak tug on his sleeve. "Go after her," Max rasped.

Michael shook his head. "Iz can handle herself." _I hope_. Michael tore Max's shirt, trying to get to the gunshot wound. He took off his own shirt and pressed on the leaking bullet hole. Max winced, letting out a groan. "I'm sorry, I know it hurts. I'm so sorry, Max." The second apology was for more than just the hurt he was causing Max now.

Max smiled sadly, and it seemed he got it. "I'm sorry, too. For everything, Michael. You need to know that."

Michael shook his head. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. This, all of this, is my fault," his voice broke on the last word, and so did his hold on the tears he'd been holding in ever since he saw the place his mother was held prisoner in turn to dust right in front of his eyes.

"Mine, too." Max's eyes were full of tears, and he lifted a shaky hand to the side of Michael's neck. "If I had been there..." Max trailed off, a chocked gasp leaving his lips.

"Max, hey, don't talk, okay? After this whole mess, we'll talk about this, we'll talk about everything. "

Michael dragged Max so that he was laying on his legs, his head cradled in the crook of Michael's arm.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Max told him weakly. Michael shook his head, but Max kept going. "I shouldn't have let you push me away, after Rosa. I shouldn't have pushed _you_ away."

"No, Max. No. You were just a kid, we both were. I wasn't your responsibility."

"You're my family, Michael. I should've shown you that I-" Max trailed off by the end of it, blinking up at the night sky as if he forgot what he was saying. A few seconds later, his gaze returned to Michael. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then Max's head lolled to the side, and it took a few seconds for Michael to realised that Max wasn't just trying to catch his breath, Max had passed out.

Michael, after panicking for a solid ten seconds, remembered that he actually had Kyle's number saved in phone; Alex had practically forced them to exchange numbers on their way to Caulfield.

He fumbled for his phone, looking in his contacts for Kyle's number. He answered on the second ring.

_"Guerin?"_

"Valenti, I need your help, okay? Max was shot, and I don't know what to do."

 _"Hey, slow down. Where is he hit?"_ There was a sound of rustling, probably meaning Kyle was getting dressed.

"In the chest."

" _Where_ , _Guerin_?" Kyle demanded impatiently.

"Real close to his clavicle?"

" _Alright, How's his pulse?_ "

"Weak, and rapid."

" _Alright, I'm in my car, where am I headed?_ "

Michael put it on speaker, then sent him the location. He tried desperately to ignore the chocked off gasps Max was emettingg in order to focus on what Kyle was saying. "Sent you the location."

 _"I've got it. How's his breathing?_ "

"Fast, and shallow. Should I get the bullet out?"

Kyle swore, and Michael heard the screech of tires. " _No, wait till I get there. I'll be there in five minutes, Guerin. Hang in there."_

"Did you hear that, Max? Valenti's on his way, you're gonna be fine okay?" His only answer was labored breaths

"Don't you dare die on me, Max," Michael whispered, trying to push down the sobs threatening to crawl their way out of his chest. When Max's head lolld to the side, his breathing even worse than it was before he called Kyle, he lost the battle and buried his face in his brother's chest, rocking them back and forth.

That was when Kyle showed up.

* * *

 

After Alex left, Liz started to get antsy. She hadn't really allowed herself to feel anything about Noah getting his powers back and being free, and Alex coming to her had actually been a wonderful distraction, but now the fear she'd been pushing back was starting to resurface. Liz knew she was tough, but the fact of the matter was, Noah was an alien who was stronger than her, stronger than Max, Isobel and Michael, so would she be able to survive another encounter with him?

And then there was the matter that he may be out there, hurting some innocent woman, Max any one of her friends, if they didn't manage to stop him soon.

A loud clatter startled her. It couldn't be Alex, since he would need, at best another ten minutes to get back. The thought knocked the breath out of her.

"Liz," he said in a sing-song voice. Her whole body seized up in fear, and she closed her eyes, biting her lip to keep any sound from escaping. "Liiiiz." he sounded closer now. _"Oh, God, please no,"_ she thought desperately. She unlocked her phone and sent a text to Alex to hurry up. Then another one to Max, Isobel and Michael to explain the situation in short.

Liz crawled as quietly as she could and tucked herself in the farthest corner, grabbing a knife on her way.

"Come out, come out wherever you are, Liz."

In a matter of seconds, he was standing in front of her, with a smirk on his face.

"Hello, Liz."

* * *

When he got Liz's text, Alex was about five minutes away from the diner. He made it in three.

He grabbed the syringe containing the serum tightly, and cautiously made his way to the diner. He was a foot away from the door when Liz, her blouse covered in blood, looking terrified out of her mind and holding a knife in her hand, came bursting out. He caught her when she stumbled, and she clung to him.

"Alex," she sobbed.

"Liz, what happened?" He pushed her away gently, needing to make sure she was okay. "Talk to me, where's Noah?" He asked her urgently, looking over her shoulder at the dark diner.

"I killed him." She looked devestated. Alex, more than anything, wanted to comfort her, but he knew that making sure Noah was actually dead should be his priority.

"Liz, you need to go, okay? I'll make sure he's actually dead, and give him the serum just in case. But I need you to be safe, alright?"

She shook her head. "It's too dangerous, please let's just go."

"That's not a risk I'm willing to take, Liz. You know that. Now go, we're wasting time."

"Fine, but I'm not going far. I'll be watching until you get out."

He watched her walk backwards, obviously reluctant to leave him. The minute she disappeared from view, he headed into the diner. He moved quietly, following the small trail of blood to see Noah sprawled out on the ground, in a large pool of his own blood. Alex felt both relieved and sad; relieved because Noah was finally dead, and sad because Liz had been the one to kill him. Having someone's blood on your hands, Alex knew, was one of the most horrific feelings anyone could ever experience.

He shook off the dark thoughts, and quickly uncapped the syringe, but before he could inject Noah with the serum, the Alien was up, moving at an inhuman spped. He pushed Alex with his powers, and basically sent him flying outside the diner. His back hit the car, his car, hard, but luckily, he hadn't lost his grip on the syringe. He hid it in his sleeve just as Noah gripped his neck and squeezed, lifting him off the ground. Alex tried to discreetly slide the syringe out.

"Alex Manes, what a-well, it's not really a surprise considering what your family members do in their spare time, is it? Did you finally join the family business?" Noah asked. He tightened his grip on Alex's neck. "I'm going to kill you. It'll be slow and painful, and I will enjoy every second of it." Alex tried to claw at Noah's arms, his hands, but he couldn't do it with one arm, and he had to resist the urge to make a go at injecting him right away. He had to time it perfectly, because he knew he only had one shot.

Just as he felt himself blacking out, he slowly slid the syringe down. Noah let him go ubruptly, and he stumbled to the ground, gasping and coughing. "I didn't even know about your kind until a few weeks ago," Alex spat, pushing himself up. If he could keep him talking, maybe he could distract him enough for Liz to get help. He slumped against the car, and felt his gun dig into his back. It was like a bulp lighting up in his mind. He could distract Noah with the gun, get him to come closer, then give him the serum.

He pulled out the gun in one swift motion, firing off a shot. Noah deflected it, and the second bullet easily, then advanced against Alex. Alex was about to fire again, when the gun was suddenly removed from his hand.

Noah didn't waste any time. He grabbed Alex by the collar of his shirt, and dug his gun into his stomach. Alex didn't fight, just readied the syringe.

He plunged the syringe in Noah thigh, and the relief at having been able to do so kept him from noticing the searing pain in his stomach. Only when Noah stumbled away from him, dropping the gun in shock, did he feel it. Alex looked down at the rapidly growing red stain on his shirt with a sort of detachment that he learned from years and years of experience.

"Alex!" Liz screamed, running towards him. Alex wanted, more than anything, to tell her to stay away, because Noah wasn't dead, and the serum wasn't working, at least not yet. "No!" This was his only warning to what would come next.

Noah put a hand on his chest, and the pain that caused was the worst Alex had ever felt, and concidering the fact that he'd lived with an abusive monster, lost a leg, was shot, that was saying a lot. He wanted to do something, to push him away, but it was like he was paralyzed.

He heard one, two, then three gunshots, then evrything around him faded away into nothingness.

* * *

Kyle, Michael was loathe to admit, was an amazing doctor. He was efficient and clinical, but also gentle. He took charge and had Max stable in a matter of twenty minutes. Thankfully, the bullet hadn't been close to the lung. Max had gotten really lucky. The only worrisome thing was the blood loss, but Max was strong, and they healed fast, so Michael knew Max was going to be alright. He breather a sigh of relief, squeezing his brother's hand. He cleared his throat and looked at Kyle sideways.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, Guerin, could you speak up?"

"Don't push it," though he hated to admit it, he was amused, and to his annoyance, it showed in his tone.

Kyle chuckled just as Michael's phone rang.

He frowned at the caller ID.

"Hey, Li-"

" _Michael, you need to get here right now. Noah's here, and he's hurting Alex. Please hurry."_

His heart stopped, hell, time stopped for Michael. _Not Alex. Oh, God,_ Michael wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to him. Liz was calling his name urgently, and he knew he should answer, but his tongue felt heavier than a ton of bricks and his mind was stuck on the thought of losing the man he loved.

" _Michael, for the love of God, I don't have time for you to lose it right now, okay? Alex doesn't have the time, you need to come here right now. Michael!_ "

He pulled himself together. "We're coming, Liz. Stay out of Noah's sight, okay? You can't go up against him, not alone."

He gestured for Kyle to lift Max's feet, while his hands slid under his brother's arms. "Liz, stay on the line, okay?"

" _Is Max with you?_ "

He hesitated. "Yeah, he is."

She breathed a sigh of relief. " _Thank God. Let me talk to him."_

"Liz, he was hurt. Not badly, though," he hurried to assure her.

" _If it's not bad, then why isn't he talking to me?_ " She demanded, her voice quivering. " _Oh God. No_ ," the fear in her voice was even more prominent, and at first, he thought it was about Max, but then she whispered Alex's name.

"Liz? Liz, what happened?"

_"He has a gun pointed at him. Alex injected him with the serum, but it doesn't seem to be working. Oh, God."_

Michael tensed, tightening his arms around Max, because he needed something to anchor him. This can't be happening. "Liz, what serum? Yours? Cause that won't work!"

" _What, why?!_ "

"I was working on it, and when I tried it again on Liz's cells, they seemed to have adapted to it."

" _No,_ " she whispered. Then he heard movement and her breathing became faster. He realized what she was doing too late.

"Liz, no. Stay where you are, we're three," he looked to Kyle in to rear view mirror, who nodded, "three minutes away from the Crashdown."

" _Alex may not have three minutes,_ " with those last words, she hung up. Michael screamed in frustration and punched the driver headrest. Kyle made a noise of indignation, but thankfully kept his mouth shut, even though he seemed to be almost as worried as Michael was.

"Valenti, there's a syringe in the glove compartment. Give it to me."

Kyle, without slowing down or taking his eyes off the road, reached his hand out, opening the glove compartment, then fumbling around blindly until he found what Michael had asked for. He handed it over without questions, though it seemed he had many. Michael ignored him. His thoughts involuntaryly turned to Alex, and his chest tightened at the thought of him being hurt, or worse, dead. He'd made peace with the danger Alex had had to face when he was deployed, mostly because he had no other choice, and there was nothing he could do about it. But now? Now his mind was coming up with ways he could've prevented this. If he had gotten Alex to take Liz and go to someplace safer than the Crashdown. If he hadn't pushed him away when Alex had tried to be there for him earlier. If he hadn't been cruel enough to imply that Alex, like his family, had a hand in his family's death.

He closed his eyes. _Please, please don't let that be our lost conversation. Please don't let that be the last time I see him. Please._

After what felt like forever, Kyle pulled up right behind Alex's car, right in time, apparently. Michael lept out of the car, holding the syringe up in the air with his powers, making sure to draw Noah's attention from Liz, who was sprawled on the ground, half her face covered in blood.

Noah turned his attention to him, and Michael wasted no time.

"Hey, Mi-" His words were cut off by a chocked gasp when the syringe was stabbed into his neck. "What did you do?"  
Michael could see the fear in Noah's eyes, and he couldn't muster up any sort of sympathy for the other man. He'd hurt his family, and that was a line no one was allowed to cross. Noah collapsed to the ground, withering in agony. And Michael ignored him in favor of running towards Alex. Liz had beat him there, and she was desperatly holding the corner of Alex's shirt to the wound in his side.

Michael skidded to his knees beside them, his good hand going automatically to Alex's face.

"Hey, there," he said, gently stroking Alex's cheek, relieved to see his eyes open.

"Guerin," his name came out like a breathy whisper, and Michael thought it was the best thing he'd ever heard.

"Hey," he repeated, at a loss of what to say.

Alex lifted a hand to Michael's cheek, tenderly wiping away tears he hadn't noticed had escaped. "You know I hate it when you cry," he muttered with a small smile.

Michael laughed wetly. "Well, I hate it when you get hurt, so I guess we're even."

"Gald it's me this time."

Michael wanted to hit him upside the head, wanted to yell at him for saying that, for even thinking it. But then he figured it would be hypocritical to do that when he knew he would trade places with him with no hesitation if he could. "Don't say that." He rested his forehead against Alex's, and closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes a few seconds later, he realized with a jolt of terror that Alex had closed his.

"Alex, hey, open up your eyes." When he got no response, he tapped him on the cheek, growing desperate with each passing second. He vaguely noticed that Kyle, who must've at some point left to get his medical bag from the car, was back now. He checked Alex's pulse, then cursed. "Michael, give me room, come on. Liz, I need-" the rest was white noise to Michael.

Moving on autopilot, he helped Liz and Kyle maneuver Alex so that he was laying on his back, all the while holding onto his hand, and Kyle immediately started chest compressions.

Michael resisted the urge to scream, his insides turning ice cold with every press of Kyle's hands to Alex's unmoving chest. "I'm here," he promised in a broken whisper, his mouth a breath away from Alex's ear.

Kyle checked Alex's pulse again, and Michael could see in his eyes a frantic worry that put him on edge. His voice, though, was steady when he addressed Liz. "You called 911, right?" Liz shook her head. "Call now." From the way Kyle was acting, Michael knew, right then, that Alex's chances weren't good.

Michael ignored the thought, tightening his hold on the cold limp hand in between his. He's gonna be fine, he told himself over and over, ignoring the rational part of his brain that told him the opposite.

"Liz, how long has it been?" Kyle asked, continuing the compressions, unrelenting even though Michael knew he must be getting tired by now.

"Five minutes, I think," Liz answered readily. Alex had been dead for five minutes now. Michael flinched involuntarily.

Kyle's movements slowed, and Michael saw red. "Don't you dare stop, Valenti."

Kyle shhok his head. "Just switching places with Liz, Michael."

Michael nodded and leant down to press a kiss to Alex's forehead, way past caring about who might see him do it. _I'm sorry,_ he wanted to say. _I didn't mean any of it, you're the love of my life_. 

Michael felt a hand on his shoulder, and he straightened up. Max was crouched down beside him, smiling sadly. His hand moved from Michael's shoulder to his neck. Tears welled up in Michael's eyes. "Max," he whispered brokenly, frantically. "Max, please, you have to save him. I can't lose him."

Max shook his head, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I might not be strong enough."

Michael let out a sob. "Please."

Michael could see some of the helplessness he was feeling reflected in Max's eyes. "I'm gonna try, okay? But, Michael, it might not-"

Michael was already nodding. "Just try."

Max nodded. "Liz, move away."

Liz did as Max told her, probably as heartbroken and scared as Michael was, and seconds later, Michael felt her hand slide into his.

Max put his hand on Alex's chest, his eyes screwed shut. Michael could tell Max was in pain, but he didn't say anything, just watched, guilty and hopeful and scared out of his mind that he might lose either or both of them. Everything started shaking around them, street lights were shattering, the windows were shaking. Michael ignored it all in favor of watching two of the most important people in his life.

When it all stopped abruptly, Michael allowed himself a second to naively hope that it had worked.

"Max?" Liz was crushing his hand. "Did it work?"

Max shook his head mournfully, eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Michael. I'm so sorry," he told him in a broken whisper, right bedore he collapsed.

Michael felt Liz let go of his hand, rushing to Max's side, Kyle by her side. He wanted to move, he wanted to help, but he felt numb and heavy.

"Michael, what's going on?" That was Kyle, and he sounded scared. Michael frowned. Why would Kyle be scared?

"Michael, stop!"

Stop what? He wasn't doing anything, except staring at Alex's lifeless body and hating himself for causing all of this. And that was when it really hit him.

Alex was dead.

Alex. Was. Dead.

And Michael wanted to burn the whole world to the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. And What is Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, still haven't managed to watch the finale, but it has been spoiled for me and, as I suspected, I was sooo wrong.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, and if you do, please let me know in the comments ❤️

When Isobel turned the corner, what appeared to be a car door hit the windshield of her car. She hit the breaks and blinked, baffled. She parked, and hurriedly got out of the car, stopping in her tracks a few feet away, stunned. She couldn't figure out what to linger on; Noah's body, Kyle and Liz trying desperately to protect themselves against whatever was happening, or on Michael, the source of the chaos. Michael looked frighteningly calm, maybe even lifeless, as things were practically flying around him. He'd never lost control before, not even when they were young and inexperienced, and she wondered what made him snap now. Isobel ran the rest of the way, crouching down next to Liz to avoid a flying mirror. They needed to stop him before he hurt someone, before someone could _see_.

"What the hell happened here?" She asked Liz and Kyle, who were both hunched over, she abruptly realized, an unconscious Max. "Is he okay?!"

"He's fine," Kyle shouted. "But Michael- It's like he's not there anymore. After Alex, he just-" Kyle shook his head, and Isobel realized with a jolt that he was devestated.

"Alex?" She followed Kyle's line of sight, and she saw the prone figure on the ground.

"Isobel, you have to stop him," Liz told her, tears running down her cheeks as she cradled Max in her arms.

Isobel nodded, but before she could slip into his mind, she saw movement. She thought her mind was playing tricks on her when she saw Alex move a finger, but then he moved again, this time his arm, and she let out out a relieved laugh.

She wasted no time in getting into her brother's head. "Michael. Michael, please, listen to me. You have to stop."

"He's dead, Iz."

"No, he's not."

"He is, I watched him die," his voice broke and the devastation, the hurt, the pain Michael was feeling were all on display. The sheer strength of those feelings nearly knocked her out of his mind. She shook her head, trying to center herself. "He's not, Michael. He's not. Look at him," she urged him. "He's alive, I promise. Come back to us, please."

Michael looked down, just in time to see Alex open his eyes. Time seemed to stop once they locked eyes, and in a matter of seconds, all was calm again.

Isobel let out a breath of relief and Liz began to sob, hiding her face in Max's hair. Kyle, on the other hand, moved to stand in front of Michael, who was now crushing Alex to him, his head buried in his neck.

"Michael, you have to move. The ambulance could be on its way, along with the police. We need to find a way to explain all of this, goddammit."

Kyle was apparently the only one of them who had his head on straight.

"What's our story?" Kyle asked. When his question was met with silence, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Then, he spoke up. "Michael and Alex need to go. We'll say Noah attacked Liz, Max came to her rescue and I was driving close by when I heard her scream. Max shot Noah, and Noah shot him. Then I fised Max up, okay?"

"What about the blood?"

Kyle shrugged helplessly. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Isobel nodded, then turned to Michael, who was already struggling to stand, and helping Alex do the same. Alex, who had yet to utter a word, seemed a second away from passing out, and Michael must have seen it too, because he steered him to his truck, not even looking back at them.

Liz laughed, and Isobel turned to look at her, eyebrows raised. "How in the hell do we explain all of this?"

Neither Isobel nor Kyle really had an answer for her. 

* * *

"Guerin, what's wrong?"

Michael kept on driving, trying to ignore Alex as much as he could, because he knew if he looked at him, if he spoke to him, he wouldn't be able to keep a lid on all the things he wanted to say to him. It was funny, really, that when he thought Alex was dead, all he wanted to do was get one more minute with him, to tell him how he felt about him, but now that he had him back? Michael was doing everything he possibly could to avoid it.

"Would you please talk to me?!" Michael could tell Alex was frustrated, and he didn't blame him. But Michael still needed time to process what happened, he needed to get a grip on his emotions, before he talked to Alex. "Guerin!"

 _"I can't, okay?!"_ Michael exclaimed, then hit the steering wheel, hard. "Just leave it, Alex. Just until we get to the cabin, alright? Then we'll talk, I promise."

Alex said nothing, but Michael thought he saw him nod. When he did chance a look at him, a few minutes later, he was leaning his head against the window with his eyes closed. Michael sighed and continued to drive, going as fast as he could.

When they got to the cabin, Alex got out as soon as the car stopped. He stalked off, and Michael just stared helplessly at his retreating back. Was he supposed to go after him? Leave? What the hell did Alex want?

Alex, a few feet shy away from the front porch steps, turned to Michael, and just stared at him until he unlocked his door and moved towards him.

"What happened tonight, Guerin? I remember that Noah shot me, I remember flashes after that, but nothing is clear. Then, I wake up, not a scratch on me, and everything around is-"

"You died," Michael cut him off. Alex's mouth shut so quickly, Michael heard a snap. "You died, Alex. I watched you die," his voice broke, and so did his hold on everything else he'd been wanting to say. "I lived about ten minutes in a world where you were dead, and I wanted to burn it all down to the ground. What happened tonight, Alex, was that I realized that I can't live without you. Which sucks for me, you know, because you obviously don't feel the same. And I- I don't really know where to go from here."

"You're an idiot, " Alex said, his voice shaky. "Either that, or you're blind, or deaf."

Michael frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you really think I don't feel the exact same way? That I can live without _you_?" Alex stepped closer, his voice growing softer with each step. "I was willing to die with you back in Caulfield, because I didn't want to live in a world you're not in. I told you that you're my only family. So, how can you stand there and tell me that I don't feel the same way about you?"

Michael laughed, it came out soft and broke halfway through, but at least he wasn't crying. "You said you wanted us to be _friends_."

Alex shrugged. "Sounded like a good idea at the time."

"It really isn't." Michael wanted to lighten the mood, but his attempt fell flat when Alex's face fell.

Alex turned away, his hands buried in his hair. "I just didn't want us to be strangers, didn't want what we had to be just sex."

Michael almost rolled his eyes. "It was never just sex, at least not for me."

"I know that now, but I didn't before," Alex argued, and Michael had to give him that. They both sucked at communication, and almost every encounter they had after Alex got back either ended with them in bed or fighting.

Alex moved away from him, and Michael's heart ached. But then, Alex surprised him when he gestured for him to sit beside him on the couch. Michael did as he was told and sat down on the opposite end. His right hand ached, and he tried to subtly massage it, but Alex caught the movement. Michael saw a glimpse of the heartbreak in his eyes, before Alex turned away from him, looking down at his hands.

"Where do we go from here?"

The question surprised Alex, Michael could tell. But the surprise didn't last long, and he sighed, looking resigned. "I don't know.I-I love you," the fact that Alex had said the words, present tense was so surprising it knocked the breath out of Michael. He struggled to figure out what to say, but Alex didn't give him the chance, as he continued. "And I think you love me?-" Michael hesitated for only a second before he nodded once. Alex nodded back. "-but love isn't always enough. If it were, we wouldn't be here."

Michael shook his head. He was suddenly so tired of this. He loved Alex, he truly did, but this thing between them was so fucking exhausting sometimes. Love might not be enough, but it _should be_. After everything they'd been through, they deserved to have what they wanted and what Michael wanted was to be happy, for once. After everything, he liked to think he at least deserved that. "What are you saying?" He asked tiredly.

Alex's expression softened. "I want you to decide what you want." He scooted closer to him and tenderly held his ruined hand in both of his. "You've been through so much, and a lot of it has been because of me, and my family. So, what I want, is for you to get some rest and then think about what you want us to be from now on."

There were a few minutes of stunned, on Michael's end, silence. "Michael, you okay?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly, surprising both of them. "I'm tired."

Alex nodded, and it seemed like he was about to lift a hand to Michael's face, but then thought better of it. Michael felt a pang of disappointment at that. "How about we get some rest and we finish this talk when you're up to it?"

Michael had dreaded this moment ever since they got to the cabin. He knew they were on very uncertain grounds, and he understood that Alex was trying to give him space, but right now, Michael didn't need it. Michael, though he hated to admit it, wasn't sure he wanted to be in a relationship with Alex at this point in time. It wasn't because he didn't love him, because God knew he loved this man with everything he had in him, but Michael knew that an ugly part of him still blamed Alex for his ruined hand, for his dead mother, for leaving him to fight a war when he'd needed him to stay. And unless Michael figured out how to make peace with those things, their relationship would be doomed before it even began. But all of that aside, he'd watched Alex die tonight. He didn't need space away from him, quite the opposite, actually. The thought of going back to his trailer, being alone after everything that happened tonight, was suffocating. "I-" would it be too selfish to ask Alex to spend the night together? And would Alex even agree to it? What if _he_ was the one who needed space from Michael?

Alex shook his head, giving Michael a fond look that seemed to double as an " _You're an idiot"_ look. "You're not alone, Michael. And you never will be, not unless it's something you want. You can stay here tonight, or we can go to your trailer. Up to you."

Michael smiled crookedly. "How did you know?"

Alex smirked. "Like it or not, Guerin, I know you. Now, come on." He tugged on his hand, pulling him toward what had to be the bedroom, and Michael, irrationally, felt nervous. Alex let go of his hand and it made Michael breathe a little easier. He barely managed to catch the clothes Alex threw at him.

"Bathroom's down the hall." Michael turned on his heels and practically bolted out of the room. As he was cleaning himself up and changing into Alex's clothes, Michael tried to understand what the hell was wrong with him. This push and pull inside of him was getting on his nerves, and it made him feel stupid and small. Why was he more nervous about sleeping next to Alex than he had ever been about having sex with him? It didn't change anything. He knew Alex meant what he said, and he would keep his word. For some reason, he'd decided to let Michael call the shots, and was prepared to follow his lead. The sudden change in their dynamic was jarring, to say the least, and Michael took a minute to wrap his head around it and let himself breathe.

"Michael, quit hogging the bathroom," Alex called out, practically banging on the door. He rolled his eyes, gathered up his dirty clothes and opened the door. The sight of an unimpressed Alex greeted him, and his face broke into a wide grin.

"All yours."

* * *

When he finished turning off the lights and checking the perimeter, Alex entered his room to find Michael curled up under the covers, fast asleep. He stood in the doorway, and just watched the rise and fall of his chest. Their talk tonight, though stilted and maybe left unfinished, was good. It felt good to have things out in the open. It was good to tell Michael that he loved him, and Alex would never forget the absolute shock on Michael's face, nor will he be able to fully forgive himself for it. He'd pushed him away so much, had hurt him so many times, and yet, here he was. Sometimes, Alex wondered if he ever deserved someone like Michael. 99% of the time, the answer was no, he didn't. Michael deserved someone decent, someone who was whole and without baggage and could make him happy. Alex, try as he might, was none of those things. And that was why he said what he said to Michael.

Alex was willing to work on his shortcomings when it came to Michael and their relationship, but he needed to know if Michael actually _wanted_ that. Maybe he'll want a fresh start with someone new and uncomplicated, someone who could make him happy without the added weight of a history like theirs.

Alex sighed and pushed off the doorway, settling under the covers next to Michael. He brushed a curl off his forehead, and smiled when the stubborn lock of hair went back to its original position when he removed his hand. He didn't know what Michael's decision would be and he was too tired to think about it any further. So, Alex decided to live in this moment, to appreciate it.

Michael was beside him, a little bruised and broken, but whole and warm. For now, that was enough.

* * *

 

When Michael woke up, his face buried in Alex's chest and his arm wrapped around him tightly, he felt a contentment he hadn't felt in a long time. He wanted nothing more than to move even closer, to have every part of his body touching Alex's, but he knew he shouldn't. Alex had asked him to think about what he wanted them to be, and Michael was going to do so carefully. They both deserve at least that.

He slowly detached himself from Alex, got out of bed and started to quietly look for a pen and paper. He quickly wrote Alex a note, then put it on the pillow he had slept on.

On his way out, he checked in with Max, Liz and Isobel, wanting to make sure they were alright.

Wild Pony's, when he got there, was empty, save for Maria, which was expected and not at all unwelcome. She had her hair up, and as usual, she was absolutely beautiful. "Hey, Maria."

She smiled at him, then raised an eyebrow. "Hey, Guerin. Eleven am, huh," she said, making a show of checking her watch, "little early, even for you."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well..." He trailed of, shrugging.

She eyed him strangely, and it made him uncomfortable, how she seemed to read him so well. "Wanna talk about it?" The offer seemed genuine, but Michael wasn't about to take her up on it. Talking to Maria, who he was attracted to and had slept with, and who seemed to like him as much as he liked her, about the guy he's been in love with for the past ten years, who also happens to be her bestfriend, didn't strike Michael as the best move. And God, once he actually put it like that, he realised what a disaster his love life was.

"Not really," he answered, and it seemed like she was gonna let it go. But then, she put a beer in front of him and came out from behind the bar, settling on the stool next to him.

"So, Alex," she said casually. Michael sputtered, nearly choking on the beer he'd just swallowed.

Once he was done hacking up a lung, he glared at Maria, who seemed unconcerned. "You did that on purpose."

She rolled her eyes. "Alex."

His shoulders slumped. "Why are you doing this? You know what he and I ar-were. Are you really gonna sit there and tell me you wanna hear about it?"

Maria sighed, looking at her hands. "I don't know, Michael. It's messed up, okay? I like you, and I know you like me, but Alex-" She shook her head. "Alex is my best friend. So, what I'm trying to say is, maybe we should put this whole thing behind us, and try to be friends?"

The stark difference between the hope he felt at her words and the disappointment when Alex said the same thing made him pause. "Yeah, maybe," he answered her with a smile.

The small grin he got in return was a relief, since he really didn't want to lose her as a potential friend. 

"It wouldn't have worked anyway. Between us, I mean."

He wrinkled his nose at her. "Why not?!"

She stared at him. "Maybe because of the teeny tiny fact that you're in love with somebody else?"

He groaned. "God, I hate this." He folded his arms on the and rested his head there.

She patted his back. "Come on, spill."

He was tempted to, because he knew Maria was smart and she may offer damn good advice, but he didn't want to do that to her. Maybe after they've actually worked on being friends, but not now, when everything was still fresh and he could see a little hurt in her eyes. "Nah, I should get home."

"Okay." She told him, also standing up. She walked him to the door, but stopped before he could leave. "I know it's gonna be awkward for a while, but I think we're doing the right thing. Right now, it's just a missed opportunity, it's like an annoying scab. But if we tried, and then it didn't work, it'll be messy. I don't like messy."

He smiled at her. "Given time, I think I would've fallen for you, DeLuca."

She shrugged. "I wouldn't have blamed you. I _am_ fabulous." She was trying to lighten the mood, but he knew she was a little hurt and that it would take time for them to go back to normal. But he wouldn't give up, because people like Maria DeLuca were rare, and he didn't want to lose her.

They said their goodbyes and he headed off to Max's, feeling a little more hopeful than he did before he saw Maria.

* * *

"Max! Max, you in here?"

Liz came storming out of the bedroom, shushing him with a glare. "He's sleeping! What do you want?"

Michael, unimpressed, scowled at her. "Came to check on my brother, Liz."

She seemed to deflate. "He's okay, still tired, though. How's Alex?"

"Alive."

"And thank God for that."

"I need to talk to Max, Liz. How long has he been asleep?"

She eyed him for a few seconds, then sighed in defeat. "Enough. Go wake him up. I'll make us breakfast."

"Alright. Thanks, Liz."

* * *

 

"Max. Hey, Maxwell, wake up." Since talking didn't wake him, Michael decided to just poke him till he woke up.

"Jesus, Michael!" His voice was hoarse, but Michael was glad to hear it. "What do you want?" Max sounded annoyed, and it was so normal that Michael couldn't help but grin.

"Man, I'm glad you're okay," Michael blurted out, before he could stop himself.

The look of annoyance on Max's face softened into something Michael couldn't really identify, and he gave him a half smile. "Right back at ya, buddy. Alex is okay, right?"

Michael nodded quickly. "Yeah, he is. Thank you for that, Max," Michael told him honestly.

Max shook his head. "You never have to thank me for that, Michael. I- There's _nothing_ I wouldn't do for you, and I'm sorry that I let things get so bad between us that you would think I wouldn't. "

Michael sniffed, wiping a hand across his eyes. This was too much, Max and Alex saying that they loved him and backing it up with actions, was a shock to his system, simply because he wasn't used to it. Knowing something was one thing, but having it confirmed was another story altogether.

"So, what's going on with you?" Max asked, curious.

"Nothing. I just wanted to check on you," Michael answered quickly. Too quickly, if the look of suspension on Max's face was an indication.

"Aha. Talk," Max basically ordered him, struggling to sit up in bed. Michael was halfway out of his chair to help, but sat back down when Max waved him off.

Michael hesitated. Before Rosa's death, he and Max had been very close. They could always count on each other, and they could always talk, about anything and everything and Max almost always knew what to say and when to say it. But that was ten years ago. Now, there was this disconnect between them, and though they were trying to get back to where they were, they still had miles to go. So, Michael hesitated, and felt guilty when Max's face fell when several minutes passed and Michael still hadn't said a word.

Desicion made, Michael took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do about Alex."

Max perked up, and nodded at Michael, urging him to continue.

"In Caulfield, he told me that I'm his family." Try as he might, he couldn't keep his voice from breaking. "And it was a big deal, for the both of us."

"But?"

"But, like so many of our moments, it's tainted, Max. Two minutes after he said it, my mom was blown up. In a prison made by his father, and possibly his brothers."

"Michael-"

"I know, it's selfish of me to blame him for that. But-" He shrugged helplessly. "I love him, I do. But that love has caused us both so much pain, that it makes wonder if it's worth it, you know? Does it make sense?"

Max shook his head. "You feel what you feel, Michael. You can't control that. But, I do think you need to work on those feelings, because Alex is innocent in this. You both have been through so much, because of each other and external factors. Only you get to decide where you want to go from here. You can either give Alex, and yourself, a chance to see if you can make it work, or you move on. But, keep in mind that the man's family is shitty, and from what I understood, he's trying to make a better one. With you."

Even though Michael already knew it, having someone else say it made it seem more real somehow. "What should I do?"

"I can't tell you that, Michael. It's not my choice to make."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "What if it was Liz? What would you choose?"

"Her. I'd choose her in a heartbeat." Michael would've rolled his eyes at Max not even hesitating before answering if he hadn't been too busy freaking about about realizing his answer.

Michael shot up from the chair he'd been sitting on, eyes wide. "Thanks, Max."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Michael?"

Michael resisted the urge to run out of the house, opting to hurriedly walk out, ignoring Liz and Max calling after him.

* * *

 

"Hey, aren't you going to have breakfast-" Liz cut herself off when Michael basically flew out the door, not even saying goodbye. She made her way to Max's bedroom, and pocked her head inside. He was sitting up, a half-smile on her face. So at least Michael left things off on a good note.

"Hey."

"Hey, Liz," Max said, that smile she loved so much on his face. He seemed really happy, and she guessed it had something to do with his talk with Michael. She closed the space between them, laying down beside him with her head on his chest. "Good talk?"

"Really good."

She pulled away and leaned on her elbow. "Wanna eat breakfast? I made pancakes."

Max smiled at her, gently pushing her back so that she was laying on her back. One hand pushed a lock of her behind her ear. He leaned down, his lips a breath away from hers. "In a minute?"

Liz smiled back, slowly running her hands up his sides, then his back, to finally settle them on his neck, using them to pull him closer to her. The kiss was passionate, but chaste, and Liz wondered if she would ever get used to the way kissing Max made her feel. When he pulled away, she chased after him, pulling him back in with no resistance on his part. They stayed like that, tangled together and giggling in between kisses like a couple of teenagers, until Max rested his forehead on hers. "I'm hungry," he declared, and it sounded like a whine.

"Oh, I know," she tried to sound coy, but the look on his face and the pillow he softly hit her with made it hard.

"For food," Max clarified jokingly. 

She rolled her eyes, then kissed him one last time.

"You gonna tell me why Michael ran out of here like a headless chicken?" She asked as they made their way to the kitchen.

Max just smiled.

* * *

When Alex opened the door, his face guarded and not quite blank, but getting there, Michael cursed inwardly. He didn't know what brought on the change from last night, but it was really unwelcome. Were they cursed? Were they always meant to not be on the same page? He shook the negative thoughts away, and set his jaw. He would get them on the same page out of sheer stubbornness alone if he had to. He didn't have it in him to wait any longer to be with Alex.

"Hey, Alex," he greeted him with a wide smile. From the strange look he got from the other man, Michael guessed it probably made him look like a maniac.

Alex opened the door wider, a wordless invitation and Michael made his way inside. Once Alex closed the door and faced him, they stood there, staring at each other and not talking for the better part of a minute.

"I wanna be with you," Michael blurted out, then closed his eyes and regretted ever opening his mouth. He also regretted not having a well-thought-out speech, but having the realization that he wanted to be with the love of his life had taken rationality out of the window pretty fast.

It may not have been as smooth as he wanted it to be, but it did get his point across, if the slack-jaw, wide-eyed look on Alex's face was any indication.

"You-"

"You see, I had this stupid idea, that maybe you and I wouldn't work because there's so much pain attached to almost every good thing in our relationship, because we always seemed to hurt each other," Alex's face fell, and Michael shook his head, "But, the thing is, we love each other for a reason. We keep coming back to each other for a reason, Alex. And it's because you're my safe place, and I think I'm yours. When we were seventeen, you shared your safe place with me, and I realize now, the only reason I felt safe in that shed was _you_."

Michael didn't really set any expectations, but he knew his speech wasn't half bad. Alex shaking his head made him rethink that.

"My father took a hammer to your hand in that shed, Guerin. And you were right about pain being attached to every moment we have with each other. I get it. And even though it kills me to say this-"

"Then don't say it!" Michael snapped at him. "Don't you dare do this to me, Alex. You said last night, that it would be my choice; that means I get it make it, not you. And I'm choosing you."

"Maybe you shouldn't." The sad look that accompanied the words made him even more angry than he already was.

"Screw you, Alex! You know what-" He cut himself off with a heartbroken laugh. "I'm a fucking idiot for thinking this time will be different." Not giving Alex a chance to say, much less _do_ , anything, Michael stormed out, angry tears welling up in his eyes. Where had he gone wrong? And why couldn't he be happy for more than a fucking minute at time? He must've pissed off someone very important in another life because he was pretty sure in his twenty seven years of life, there wasn't any type of pain that he hadn't suffered through at least once. 

"Guerin. Guerin, wait!"

He ignored Alex, even though every fiber of his being wanted to look back at him, wanted to stop for him.

"Damn it, Guerin, would you stop?!" Alex was frustrated, Michael could tell, and he felt a sense of vindictive satisfaction at that.

"No," he shouted back, speeding up a little, not even caring how childish he was being.

"Please," he exclaimed, stopping Michael in his tracks. "I'm sorry."

Michael turned to face him, not saying a word. He raised an eyebrow at Alex, as if telling him to get on with it. He was glad he could actually still appear angry, because on the inside, he was a mess of nervousness and hope.

"It's not fair to you, being with me. I've hurt you so much, and I'm just trying to spare you. I just- you deserve to be happy. And maybe that means you need to be with someone else. And that's okay, _really_."

From the way his voice shook, Michael very much doubted it was the truth. "Now who's the miserable liar?"

Alex closed his eyes. "Listen-"

"Shut up, Alex." Michael closed the distance between them. He held Alex's face with both hands, gently lifting it until he had no choice but to look at him. "Do you want to be with me?"

"It's not that simple, Guerin."

"Then _make it_ simple, Alex. Do you want to be with me?" His heart was hammering in his chest, and Michael was barely breathing. He wiped a stray tear from Alex's face. "Answer me," he pleaded with him.

"More than anything," Alex whispered, his own hands coming up to rest on Michael's forearms, as if to keep him close. Like Michael would even concider moving away from him.

Michael leaned in slowly, his lips a breath away from Alex's, and he waited for Alex to take that last step. When Alex's lips brushed against his, Michael felt as if time stopped. His hands shifted from Alex's face to his back, and he pulled him so that he was flush against him. Alex pulled away all too soon, but he didn't go far. At the feel of his lips brushing against his jaw, Michael's eyes slammed shut. He was impatient, chasing after Alex's lips, wanting another taste because the first time just wasn't enough, but Alex didn't let him, choosing instead to pepper Michael's face with soft kisses that drove him crazy and made him feel at peace at the same time. He eventually made his way back to his lips, and to Michael, that second kiss felt like coming home. These kisses felt different than the previous ones they'd shared in that they were unhurried. Neither of them was holding back the love they felt, and it showed in the way they were clinging to each other, in the softness of their kisses. They pulled back for air, and Alex rested his forehead on Michael's. "I love you," he whispered it like a secret, and Michael smiled.

"I'm never gonna get tired of hearing that," he told him with a giddy smile.

Alex smiled back, holding Michael's face tenderly. "I'm never gonna stop saying it." He kissed Michael's forehead. "I love you." His cheeks. "I love you." The underside of his jaw. "I love you." And then finally, his lips. "I'm so in love with you, Michael."

"I love you too." He kissed him again, then pulled away, eyes wide. "Holy shit," he exclaimed with a laugh.

"What?" Alex said, amusement apparent in the upturn of his mouth.

"You just called me Michael!"

Alex stare at him, unblinking. "You do know that _is_ your name, right?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, smart-ass. Thing is, you've never used it before."

Alex sighed. "Yes I have-"

"Nope. I would've remembered."

"-just not to your face," he continued, as if Michael didn't interrupt him.

" _Oh yeah_?"

"Yeah."

Michael surged forward and kissed him again, this kiss more hot and heavy than the other ones. He whined into Alex's mouth when he kept laughing, and pulled away to glare at him.

"Can't belive that's what turns you on-" he lowered his voice, then put his lips a hair away from Michael's ear and continued, " _Michael_."

Michael felt heat pool in his stomach and retaliated by pressing his lips to Alex's neck, in the place he knew drove him wild, and then biting down, applying just the right amount of pressure so that it didn't hurt, but it would definitely leave a mark. Alex gasped, and Michael wanted him more than he ever had. He lifted him up by the waist, and Alex wrapped his legs around his hips. "Maybe we should take this inside," Alex said breathlessly, in between kisses.

Michael didn't need to be told twice. 

* * *

"Hey, Look who finally decided to show up!" Liz exclaimed loudly, dragging Max behind her until they were both standing in front of Alex and Michael. Liz caught Alex's eye and she winked at him, then wiggled her eyebrows.

He laughed at her, wrapping his arms around her when she spread her arms wide for a hug, hitting Max in the process. "You're a dork," he told her fondly.

"I'm really glad you came tonight. It's really good to see you're okay, Alex."

"Thanks, Liz." 

Liz then turned her attention to Michael. 

"Ooooh, Mikey, come help me get more drinks." He and Max laughed as she basically yanked Michael away. Alex shrugged helplessly at him when he gave him a pleading look, then turned to face Max, who was staring dopely at Liz. Alex wondered if he looked like that whenever he looked at Michael.

Alex blew out a nervous breath. He and Max weren't really friends, not even back in high school. Back then, the one thing they had in common was their hatred for Kyle Valenti. 

 

Alex knew he needed to thank the man for basically bringing him back to life, but he  didn't really know how to do that. Not that that would stop him from trying. 

_Man up, Manes._

He cleared his throat, drawing Max's attention. "Thank you, Max, for what you did that night. I-I really don't know how I'm gonna repay you for it."

Max just smiled and shook his head. "You don't have to thank me, Alex. I- I know we're not close, but I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had let you die." He broke eye contact in favor of looking at where Alex could see Michael and Liz talking. "And if you really wanna repay me? Just take care of him, and keep loving him, that's all I'll ever want from you."

"I'll do my best," he promised him quietly. Max grinned, squeezed his shoulder then pointed at where Liz and Michael were standing. "Let's go help them out before they break something."

"Yeah," Alex said with a chuckle.

When they got there, Michael and Liz were arguing about something that Alex didn't even want to try to understand, so he and Max shared a look and silently agreed to take the drinks and settle at a table, letting their significant others be nerds together.

Ten minutes in, he caught Maria's eye and waved. She waved back and he excused himself, heading towards her.

"Hey, you!" She greeted him enthusiastically, and he couldn't help the wide smile that took over his face. Maria always had that effect on him.

"Hey, Maria. Good to see you," he told her sincerely.

"You too. I haven't seen you around much, where have you been?"

"Around," he answered vaugly, knowing she'll pick up on his tone in no time.

Maria narrowed her eyes. "Oh my God, you got laid."

He just laughed, figuring he shouldn't be surprised at how fast she picked up on it. She hit him with a towel. "Who is it?!"

"I think you know," he said, giving her a pointed look. When she shrugged with a small smile. "Why didn't you tell me, Maria?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know what."

She stubbornly shook her head. "Don't know what you're talking about."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You told me it was a one time thing, that it didn't mean anything. What I got from what Michael told me hinted at something a little more. So, why didn't you say anything?"

Maria gave him a pointed look. "Because you always seem to be looking for a reason to be miserable, and if I had told you, you wouldn't have given Guerin a chance out of some sense of loyalty to me."

"Why do you get to do that and I don't?!"

"Because, you idiot, you're in love with him! For me, Guerin is a what if. But for you, he's- he's your answer, Alex. Michael is the love of your life, and I see the way you look at him. I don't ever want to stand between you and the one person you've been pining for for the past decade."

Alex nodded, looking down at his hands. "Promise me you'll tell me if anything changes."

Maria laughed fondly. "Alex, It's not a big deal, I'll get over it. Hell, I think I'm already halfway there."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Got your eyes on someone already?"

"Maybe," she said casually.

"Who?!"

"None of your business. Now, please go back to your table, your boyfriend's been staring at you for the past ten minutes. It's embarrassing, really."

"You're gonna tell me," he said, pointing a finger at her. She laughed. "I'll get it out of you." She just laughed louder, waving him off.

"Hey."

She turned to him, raising an eyebrow in question. "We're okay, right?"

She smiled. "We are."

"Good."

* * *

  
It was a good night. A really good night. Kyle, Iz and Maria, whenever she had the chance to, joined them and it was the most relaxed Michael had felt in a long time. He was sitting next to Alex, practically glued to him, with his hand on the back of his chair. He was glad that the looks they seemed to attract throughout the night were mostly looks of surprise.

Alex put a hand on his thigh and leaned in, speaking directly in his ear. "Wanna get out of here?"

Michael answered without hesitation. "Yeah."

They said their goodbyes, then made their way out of the bar. Alex surprised him when he slipped his hand into his and squeezed.

Michael squeezed back, smiling. "Where to?" He'd meant whether he wanted to go to the cabin or the trailer, but when Alex's smile turned soft, with a hint of mischief, Michael raised an eyebrow. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I seem to remember you asking me for a drive a while back, does the offer still stand?"

Michael chuckled, bringing him in closer for a kiss.

"For you? Always."   
  


 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy ending, I know, but I think after the finale we need cheesy?? 
> 
> Real quick, would you all be interested in a what comes next fic that deals with the aftermath of the finale? It might be Malex heavy, but I think I'll involve everyone in it. 
> 
> Also, Maria.. I love that girl to bits and I hated that she got together with Michael. Not just because I love Malex, but because she's Alex's best friend, and she knew what Michael meant to him. And frankly, I think Michael will never be able to fully love someone who's not Alex, and it's not fair to Maria. So I hope you liked my version of what could happen. 
> 
> So, as you (and I) have probably come to realize, I suck at writing the actual romantic parts, lol. I can whip out pages of decent angst in a short amount of time, but romance? Oooh boy.. So I hope I didn't completely botch those scenes and that you enjoyed them (please do let me know what I need to work on in terms of those scenes? I'm hopeless)

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of notes:
> 
> 1.I hope Michael's reasoning for making the serum made sense   
> 2.I'm a big fan of the Max/Michael BroTP and I wNt them to be okay.   
> 3\. This chapter is the hurt, but I promise, the next one is the comfort. 
> 
> Have a lovely day (or night) and enjoy the new ep for me (since I won't be watching it for a couple of days yet)


End file.
